Bernard
by WednesdaysChild451208
Summary: What if Bernard met Megamind at school? Alternate Universe.
1. First Day of Shool

**This story is inspired by the author of Filigree. Roxanne thought that Bernard knew Megamind and having him clean the city, this is my take on how that would have came to be and what would've happened. This is my first ever fanfiction so please don't kill me! I don't own Megamind, never have, never will. This story is for entertainment purposes, I'm not getting any human currency for writing this. **

Bernard went to school and sat in the corner farthest from everyone else, as usual. He was a bit of an outcast, not that he minded. He happily sat back and watched the other mindless drones oooh and aah over Wayne Scott. "How on Earth did they manage to be in a gifted school?" Bernard wondered just before the entire school went quiet.

Bernard looked behind him and saw a blue boy with a big head being walked in by two guards from the Metro City Prison for the Criminally Gifted. He looked back and saw the rest of his class gaping at the blue boy. "Come on people, you find nothing wrong with Wayne and he flies and shoots lasers out of his eyes." Bernard rolled his eyes and sighed. When the guards left the mindless drones circled the new boy and the insulting questions began.

Bernard's bored look at the drones quickly morphed into anger when Ray punched the new boy. Bernard glanced at the teacher who was studiously ignoring them until the new boy started punching back. "Wayne" she shouted. "Put the new boy in the corner, we don't have fighting in this school." Bernard gaped at her "He didn't start the fight, it was self defense!" Benard walked over to the teacher's desk and tried to explain what happened. "Bernard stop lying, I saw the fight. Now go back to your seat or you can join him in the corner." Bernard sat down dejectedly. There would be no justice for the new boy.

Later that day, despite everyone looking for an excuse to keep him in, the new boy was allowed outside for recess. The other kids invited him to play dodge ball with them. By the time Bernard finished the chapter in the book he was reading and went outside the damage was done. The cold reality had taken hold on the new boy's heart, that the others would never accept him. Bernard found the new boy sitting at the corner of the building crying quietly. "Maybe now isn't a good time..." Bernard turned to walk away when the new boy jumped. Bernard turned around to see the new boy and his fish staring at him.

"... Uh, hi." Bernard inwardly slapped himself for no coming up with somthing more brilliant. The boy looked around for the person he was talking to and saw no one. "Sir?" Bernard looked to where the sound was coming from, new boy's fish. "Did you fish just talk?" It didn't suprise him much, considering the owner. "His name is Minion." The new boy stared at him and thought "Why isn't This human screaming?" "Nice name. Hi Minion." Both Minion and the new boy gaped at him momentarily at that. "Hi, what is your name?" Minion asked. This meeting could result in his master having at least one friend so he would do everything in his power to make it go well. "Bernard. What's yours?" Bernard asked the new boy nervously. This could result in him having at least on friend to his name and he didn't want to blow it. "I don't really have one, you can call me Six."

Six watched him warily. He had given Bernard the closest thing he had to a name, the title of his identity. And he still didn't trust that Bernard hadn't been sent by the mindless drones to get his name to twist and use against him. There was an akward silence for a minute while Bernard and Six wondered at each others motives. Bernard spoke up first "Even after what happened this morning you're still trying to make friends with the mindless drones. Why?" "You think of them as mindless drones too?" Six stared at him gaining hope of possibly having a friend. Or at least a non-hostile at shool. "Of course. They've earned the name the way they follow around Wayne." "Goody Two Shoes' name is Wayne?" This meeting with Bernard had been at the very least insightful, he now had the first name of the one who inalterably changed his life all those years ago. "If you refer to the one who flies and shoots lasers out of his eyes as Goody Two Shoes, then yes that would by him." Bernard smiled. He realized that Six had dodged his question but he didn't mind.

Six's smile vanished as a dark thought swept over him. "Why aren't you one of them?" He was afraid that Bernard was closer to Goo-Wayne, maybe a close friend or his brother, and therefore decided not to follow him around like, sorry Minion, minions. "Because I was like Wayne once. I was the center of attention, the gifted one in a gifted class. Then Wayne came... flying and lasers were just more exciting than brains. They abandoned me to follow him, and I saw them for what they were... mindless drones. "Are any of them still your friends?" Six wondered how short lived his friendships might have been if they ever had existed. "No, and I don't recommend you trying very hard to make them yours." Bernard said somewhat bitterly. they had been his friends, he had trusted them to be there for him, like he'd been there for them, through anything. After Wayne showed up he had tried to stay friends with them, but they were always following Wayne around. So he just gave up and stayed alone.

Six and Bernard sat quietly pondering there own loneliness when Six asked "What were you talking to the teacher about?" He saw Bernard arguing with the teacher just after his fight. He had hoped Bernard was arguing for him but that was unlikely. Bernard turned slightly red at the question, he was in no way stuck up and was reluctant to tell Six that he had vouched for him. "I tried to explain how Ray attacked you, but she didn't listen." Bernard looked at Six and saw him staring at him in puzzlement. "What?" Bernard asked, defensively. "We've been talking for 7 minutes and 23 seconds and you haven't asked any of the obvious questions."

Six didn't understand Bernard at all. Besides engaging Minion in conversation he also hadn't asked any of the questions the mindless drones did. And on top of that, most astonishing of all, he had tried to stand up for him. "like what?" Bernard said confused. "Like why am I blue? Am I an alien? Why am I in prison? Why is my head big?" "You're probably an alien like Wayne, the reason you're in prison could be very personal and I haven't known you very long yet." Bernard searched Six's face to see if the 'yet' had been too assumptive. "He said yet! I haven't completely ruined this!" Six and Minion were thinking, Six about the entire encounter, he had no self esteem when it came to social anythings now. And Minion about the time he spoke up. "I landed there in a space pod when I was an infant." Six said.

Bernard was thinking along the lines of why he wasn't sent anywhere else and why they didn't give him a name in all these years when the teacher came out and told everyone to come inside. When they went inside they sat in the back while the mindless drones oohed and aahed over Wayne making popcorn. They waited until the guards showed up to take Six home. "Bye Bernard" Six said sadly, he figured Bernard's temporary lapse in sanity would be over by the next time he saw him. "Bye Six." Bernard said, also sadly. Considering how badly the day had gone for Six he doubted he would ever come to school again.


	2. Second Day of Shool

The next day, to Bernard's suprise, Six showed up at school. Also to his suprise the guards were carrying a metal tub full of corn and Minion had a robot body. Bernard was going to sit at his usual place at the edge of the group when Ray, Josh, and Mary walked up to him. "What do you think you're doing?" Ray demanded. Bernard rolled his eyes and sighed. "Sitting down as far away from you people as the teacher will let me." Apparently Ray was still mad about Six kicking his butt yesterday, and was taking it out on him. "Well get further away you traitor." Josh spoke up. His words were brave but he stepped back behind Ray. "Ugh. The mindless drones were so brave in a horde but alone, it was pathetic." "Traitor?" Bernard questioned though he had a good idea of what he meant. "Yeah. We saw you talking with that blue kid. You're a traitor to us and a traitor to humanity!" Josh said arrogantly, thinking he had Bernard in a corner.

He was sorely mistaken. Bernard rolled his eyes and sighed at Josh's obvious oversight, he wondered again at how they managed to be in a gifted school. "By those qualifications you're all traitors to humanity." "How come?" Ray demanded, angry that his underling's insult had backfired so badly. By now Bernard was slightly exasperated by their ignorance. Six was there and he wanted to go say 'Hi' but he was stuck explaining the obvious to these 'gifted' children. "If you're under the impression Wayne is a normal human boy then you are slightly more ignorant than I thought you were. Now get away from me before I tell teacher." Normally Bernard wouldn't have used such a pathetic threat, but he knew the mindless drones were cowards. Particularly around him and now Six. On his third day of school he got into a fight with Ray, He won in a big way and Ray never bothered him again. "Stay away from us." Ray threatened back. Bernard briefly considered challenging him but he was too impatient to talk to Six and a fight would take time. "You got it." Bernard said with half real cheer. Ray grimaced and walked away with his drones in tow. His attempt at intimidating Bernard had completely backfired.

"Hi Six." Bernard said cautiously. He didn't know if Six was still wanting a friend. Six might've convinced himself during the night to count him with the mindless drones. Six looked up at him with a look of disbelief that turned into relief. "Yay! Bernard is still insane!" "Hi Bernard!" Six was a little excited/hopeful. He read that the longer a friendship lasted the more stable it became. "So Minion, what's with the, the get up?" Bernard was curious about Minion's robot body. "It's part of Sir's plan to make -." "Minion!" Six admonished. "It's a suprise." "Oh. Right. Sorry Sir." Minion made a note to always ask his master before talking about their plans in front of others. They had stayed up late into the night working on this plan. The warden even brought them something called coffee. "It's ok Minion." Six came up with the plan, not to win the mindless drones friendship, but to impress them enough to convince them to be less hostile.

"You're making popcorn?" Bernard asked. If he was right then Six had some deep seated resentment towards Wayne at least subconsciously. Six slumped. "How did you know?" He was disappointed that he wouldn't be able to suprise his friend. "Wayne made some yesterday, you brought in a metal tub, which means you're planing on heating it's contents, it's full of corn, and you didn't bring any obvious heat source so it is probably in Minion's new body, Wayne used his laser vision so you probably have made a laser." He didn't want to hurt his new friend's feelings but his plan was kind of obvious. Minion and Six gaped at him. The plan looked obvious to them, but Bernard was human. And the train of thought he used to figure out their plan was pretty complicated. "Maybe I should ask him if he landed on Earth later." Six thought to himself.

The teacher called the class to order. Six sat at the table in the back far away from everyone. He was shocked when Bernard sat next to him. "Ok class our new student has brought something to show us." She barely bothered to disguise her boredom. Six and Minion dragged their contraption to the front of the room. Six pressed a button that revealed the laser. It fired at the corn and all seemed to be going well for about three seconds. It did work, a few popped kernels fell to the ground. Then the entire thing exploded into flames. Wayne inhaled the flames and carried Six to the corner while everyone cheered him. Bernard was frustrated beyond self control. He flew out of his seat. "He was just trying to impress you people so you would leave him alone and stop being so closed minded! It's people like you that make me half ashamed to be human and if you are the gifted in intelligence then I'd hate to know how stupid, closed minded, self righteous, and generally stuck up everyone else is!"

The entire room was silent, everyone including Six and Minion were in complete shock. The teacher snapped out of it first. "Bernard I'm calling you parents and you can explain to them what drove you to committing this rude outburst. Now you tell everyone in here that you are sorry." Six was torn between being ecstatic that his friend had stood up for him to the entire class and depressed that Bernard was in trouble and would most certainly become an outcast like him. He became even more torn with Bernard's next words. "But I meant it and I'm not sorry at all." Bernard was sick and tired of holding in the opinions he had of them for all these years, so releasing them in this outburst felt really good. He knew he was in a lot of trouble with the teacher but he didn't mind. And her threat of calling in his parents was more pathetic than his threat to Ray.

The Teacher practically dragged him to the porch. She tried calling Bernard's parents but their phones were busy. On the third try she gave up and went back inside. She had Wayne put Bernard in the other corner until recess. The teacher told Bernard and Six to stay inside while everyone else went outside.

The instant they were gone Six and Bernard went to Six's table in the back of the room. Six didn't know what to say he was still loopy from the realization that Bernard had stood up for him publicly. Bernard was worried that Six would be angry at him for not letting it go and allowing Six to fade into the background. "Thank you for standing up for Sir Bernard." Minion was happy that his master had such a good friend. "You're welcome Minion. I'm sorry it didn't do any good." Bernard was still worried, Minion seemed appreciative but Six still hadn't said anything.

"Why are you doing this for us?" Six was beyond confused when it came to Bernard. He was a contradiction, he was human but he wasn't closed minded. He didn't have any human friends but he was friends with a blue alien. He was an outcast but he stood up for Six, and he was human, an essentially selfish creature, but he still put up with the others rejection for supporting Six. "What?" Bernard was confused. He thought it was clear that they were friends. "Why do you keep standing up for me even though it keeps getting you in trouble. And why are you still willing to even talk to me when the drones are rejecting you for it? That is not a normal human reaction!"

"You have an accurate opinion on humans. But I would like to get it out in the open that I consider you my friend and that's what friends do." Bernard was a little nervous. He never put himself at such an emotional risk before, and he knew that if Six rejected him it would hurt many times more than the pain of losing the friendship of the mindless drones. "You're my friend?" Six was afraid to say the words in his head nevertheless out loud. But he had to know for sure, and putting his heart on the line seemed like the only way to do it. "I like to think so." Bernard was shocked. Apparently Six had some serious insecurity issues. "Do you think your my friend?" Six was smiling to the point of pain but he didn't care. Bernard was officially his friend. "Yes!" Six's smile disappeared suddenly.

Bernard didn't have the chance to ask what was wrong because at that moment they heard the others preparing to return to class. Bernard and Six raced to their respective corners and tried to act like they had had a less pleasant time. Bernard glanced over at Six and saw a determined look on his face. Then he looked at Minion who, despite his best efforts, couldn't stop smiling.

Six was oddly distracted while the were waiting for the guards to take him 'home." Bernard didn't interrupt him. he looked satisfied and happy with whatever it was so Bernard didn't want to ruin it. After the guards showed up to take Six he whispered to Bernard, "Don't come to shool tomorrow." 


	3. Six is Expelled

**Sorry it's so short. It's just Bernard's reaction to hearing about Megamind turning everyone blue at the schoolhouse. Also explains why Bernard becomes a curator at the Metro Man museum. Megamind's back in the next chapter!**

Getting out of going to school wasn't hard for Bernard. His parents were gone all the time and his nurse was inattentive at best. This gave Bernard a lot of freedom, but it came with a price: loneliness. Usually he didn't mind, he just threw himself into a book, but today he couldn't concentrate. He was worried about Six.

Bernard wandered around his house until 11 when the phone started ringing. He looked at the caller ID and was shocked that his parents were calling. "Hello?"

"Bernard, you're home?" The ergency in the voice was replaced with relief.

"Yes I don't feel very good." That wasn't entirely a lie.

"Oh thank goodness. we got a call from your teacher, a student tried to blow up the school!"

"What!" Bernard was alarmed, Six would never have hurt anyone.

"Yes. It was some sort of chemical bomb." The voice on the other end was hostile but Bernard was relieved. Obviously the truth had been distorted somehow to make whatever Six had done sound much worse.

"So who did it?" Bernard knew before he asked but he needed to appear as if he was completely unaware of what happened other than what his mother was telling him.

"Oh some new kid. He was bad from the start, I don't know what that teacher was thinking letting that child in that school to corrupt those gifted children." His mother went on and on, bashing his best friend.

"Uh mom, I'm tired. I really need to go back to bed." It was definitely a lie, but he had to stop the verbal assault of his friend.

"Oh, all right dear. I just called to make sure you were alright." His mothers voice was syrupy sweet.

The change in tone nearly made Bernard sick. How could she be so bitter and hostile to a person she never met one moment and sweet and understanding the next? People frustrated and bored Bernard. "Bye mom."

He hung up quickly before the anger inside him exploded. Was there ever a time in Six's life that people didn't assume he was trying to be bad? Bernard highly doubted it. "People are so prejudiced." Bernard thought "I hope someday I can influence their opinions about him to the better."


	4. Megamind

**Well this chapter is a little longer... Basically it's Megamind's first escape from prison / evil plot, and everyone's thoughts about everything. I feel like I owe anyone who's reading this some information on where this story is going to go as an apology for the shortness of last chapter, so here it is. This entire story will be more than 30 chapters by the end of it, I'm going to stick with Megamind, Minion, and Bernard points of view, there's going to be at least one post-movie chapter and in later chapters there's going to be some Bernard / Roxanne.**

A few days later Bernard was reading the paper and was shocked to see an article of the front page about a blue alien child escaping from prison. "Good luck Six." He hoped Six would come see him, but it was unlikely. His house was probably the first place the police would look for him. Probably turned to definitely when two minutes the doorbell rang. His nurse got there before he did so he stayed back and listened in. At the door were the same two guards that dropped Six off at and picked Six up from school. "What do you want?" the nurse demanded. She had been sleeping when they came. "We're here to talk to Bernard. Is he here?" They didn't seem too enthusiastic in their pursuit of leads on the location of Six. They went to the living room and sat down. Bernard decided he would be as honest as possible without hurting his friends chances of staying on the run. Less than five minutes later the guards left as empty handed as they arrived. Bernard went to his room and tried to drown his worries about Six in the monotonous routine that was getting ready for school.

Six stood in what would become his room in the center of a warehouse. He was a mixture of worried and excited, excited because he was working on his home away from 'home', and worried because the police could find it, and Bernard. Six had wanted to visit him immediately after leaving prison, but Minion had insisted that if he was going to start a habit of leaving prison he would need to have a stable place to go. "Stupid fish, always looking out for my best interest." Six inwardly half-scolded his best friend, but he knew he was right. It was almost finished and at this rate he would be able to see Bernard after his next escape. Six knew he would be arrested again. He could stay under the radar and probably stay out of prison for the rest of his life, but that would have gotten in the way of being the baddest boy ever.

Bernard was sitting at the table in the very back of the classroom all alone. If there was any question of him being an outcast when Six was there, there was none now. He wasn't exactly despised. More like hated and slightly feared. He was constantly in trouble now, so much that the corner was practically his official seat. His recess was permanently revoked after his third fight with Ray that week sent Ray to the hospital for stitches. But Bernard didn't care, he drowned more than ever into books. From anyone else's point of view, Bernard's run in with Six had destroyed him. But not Bernard's. Sure he was much more cynical now, got in trouble constantly, and hated the world in general now more than ever, but he was definitely happier this way. Before when he was only a not-quite-exactly-outcast he never got any attention from anyone, anywhere, not at home or school. Now he got almost as much attention at school as Wayne, granted his was less positive. But at home it was still the same. The teacher apparently got through to his parents because they had instructed his nurse to ground him. So things at home didn't change.

Six was ecstatic for multiple reasons. First, his new home, that he officially named Evil lair, was basically finished. Second he had made Minion a new body similar to the one destroyed in his failed attempt at making popped corn, it was delicate but it would work until had more time to make a better one. Another project he completed was three communicator watches. One for himself, one for Minion, and one (hopefully) for Bernard. He had been out of prison for almost two weeks now. In that time, with the help of what the warden called coffee, he had finished many other projects. These include plotting out his first plan to cause chaos and panic in Metrocity, inventing cyborgs Minion named Brain Bots, stole a car and some other necessary furnishings for Evil Lair, added a few new settings to his dehydration gun. and plotted his next inevitable escape from prison. He hoped all this would convince Minion that they had some stability in the world so the fish would let him take the time to visit Bernard.

Six was ready to execute his first evil plan. It was simple, Minion would sent the Brain Bots to City Hall to create a distraction, Minion would use the dehydration gun to dehydrate the responding police, and Six would use his communicator watch to borrow the identity of some authorized personnel at the bank. And all he'd have to do is walk in the bank with an empty briefcase and walk out with several thousand dollars. Then use the backdoor he hacked into channel 8 news, he chose that channel because it seemed to be popular with the citizens of Metrocity, for gloating and announcing his villainy. Everything went according to plan, and Six walked away with a full briefcase of human currency. He wasn't stealing it as a random first act of villainy, he really needed the human currency to finance purchases of specific parts for inventions that he couldn't find lying around. Six had just finished gloating when Minion contacted him. "SIR! SIR!"

Minion's part of the plan had failed miserably. When he'd dehydrated the first few cops they started firing back and were now pursing him. Minion felt terrible, not only was he runing for his life, he'd messed up in his part of their first evil plan. And worst of all his master was putting himself in harm's way to rescue him. "Minion this type of thing never happens ever again," Minion inwardly scolded himself "things like this are what minions are supposed to prevent." Suddenly the footsteps behind him stopped, But Minion decided not to stick around to see what they were looking at. If it was his master, then according to the voice screaming from his watch ordering him to run, then this was the part of the plan that involved him running to Evil Lair as fast as his body-that-can-barely-stay-upright-under-decent-conditions would carry him.

Six drove to the front steps of Metro City City Hall. He wasn't exactly happy about how things had gone down, but his oversized mind already had a way to turn this setback into an advantage. Before it would've been merely a bank robber declaring his villainy one one channel, now it would be the police declaring his super villainy to every news station in Metrocity!" He turned on the disco ball he'd attached to the roof of his car. He stepped out of the car and jumped on top of the hood. With some Evil flourish he turned on his wireless microphone. "Ollo Metrocity, I'm here to inform you that life as you know it is over. Because a new super villain is in town, and I shall rain chaos and despair down upon you! MWWHAAHAAHAA!" He barely had time to turn off the microphone before the police swarmed him.

Minion was back at Evil Lair. He was waiting for night before he retrieved the car and went after his master. The plan was simple, and Minion had memorized the thing thoroughly, so now there was nothing to do but find something-anything to do to keep his mind off the fact his master was back in prison because of him and that he'd probably be very angry when he got there to rescue him.

Bernard couldn't sleep. He'd seen the news broadcasting Six's arrest and now all he could do was worry about his friend. Bernard gave up trying to fall asleep, he grabbed his copy of The Christmas Carol and plunged in. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.

When Six was back 'home' The warden pulled him aside. "The media wants to know the name of it's 'new super villain'. What should I tell them?"

Six thought for a few seconds before smiling evilly. "Megamind, Incredibly Handsome Criminal Genius and Master of all Villainy."

The Warden pulled out a notepad. "Ok, repeat that."

After he was returned to his cell he immediately passed out. It had been a long two weeks for the alien and his time asleep varied from none at all to a few hours (imposed on him by Minion). He decided that since he was now Megamind the super villain, that from now on prison was merely a place to sleep and recover from his over activity until Minion broke him out. From now on Evil Lair was his only home.

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	5. Shool's Out Forever

**This was a long one. Sorry it took a while school is really slowing production down, I'll do better next time. Please review!**

Bernard's predictions that the next day wasn't going to be a good one proved correct. He had stayed up until four in the morning so he woke up tired, and things went steadily downhill from there. He drank two cups of coffee to wake himself up to get ready for school. At school his social status was now so low its lowness was substantial. Apparently his reputation was still connected to Six and after Six was arrested last night the drones seemed to have forgotten about him sending Ray to the hospital. He got into his first fight when two emboldened drones circled him. He lost, but that was just because after it appeared he was winning the teacher sicked Wayne on him. Wayne, as the blind, ignorant, teacher's pet, naturally did the teacher's bidding by carrying Bernard by his collar (a habit he made from Six) to the corner and received a gold star. The teacher didn't bother waking him up when he used the opportunity to take a nap.

Minion was worried sick. The car had been impounded and by the time he got the thing it was morning, so he had to wait until the next night before retrieving his master. While he was waiting he gathered some more evil things and worked on Evil Lair. He even did a semi-heroic deed that his master would never find out about. While he was out looking for evil things he witnessed a reptile enthusiast prepare to kill his alligators because they had gotten too big. Horrified Minion dehydrated him and stole the alligators. He decided to work them into the Exciting room, complete with 'exit' sign. Eventually darkness came and it was time to execute the plan. Minion walked into prison using his communicator watch, he'd scanned one of the officers at the Coffee House. Once inside he dehydrated everyone on sight. Now all he had to do was find his master and get out of there before something went wrong.

Megamind was still asleep, he might've been conscious for a grand total of an hour since he'd arrived at his former 'home'. So he was momentarily irritated at Minion when he woke him up. "Minion can't you see I'm sle-, Minion!" At once he returned to reality. "Oh Minion good job you fantastic fish you!" On his way to la la land he had been slightly worried if the plan was going to work or not. He laughed evilly as he used his disguise watch to turn into another officer. Everything worked perfectly and they walked (ecstatically) out of the prison uncontested.

Bernard made some coffee ahead of time that night because he knew he would never get to sleep with news reports talking about the manhunt for Metro City's new super villain, also known as Six. *Why do I watch the news?* Bernard wondered *All it does is stress me out and turn me into an insomniac.* He turned off the TV and got The Incredible Journey in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other, this was definitely going to be a long night. Bernard had given up the idea that his friend might visit him after he didn't the first time so he was suprised when he turned to the sound of tapping on his window and it was Six and Minion. "Six!" Bernard was elated. His only friends in the world had came. Bernard opened the window and helped them into his room.

Megamind was more than a little afraid of how he would be received. He knew Minion was right about taking the time to work on making a stable base to operate out of, but now he'd have to explain himself. A lot had happened after all, he'd blown up his shool, he didn't stop by to say howdy when he left his former 'home' the last time, and there was that little detail about becoming Metrocity's new super villain. But things looked like they might go over well when he saw Bernard race to open the window for him. He would've just blown up / came through the front door like a normal person, but Megamind didn't want to run into anyone other than Bernard.

Minion was a little anxious. Bernard seemed happy to see them, but there was still a lot of unpleasentries to go through. Bernard wasn't screaming or telling them to leave or he'd call the police, so far so good. He watched as his master and Bernard talked about everything that has been happening over the past weeks. For some reason he felt something similar to anger at his master's new friend. More specifically the attention given to Bernard. Thinking back to when they returned to Evil Lair after leaving 'home' made him feel better.

He had been worried that his master would be mad at him for indirectly sending him to prison, but he looked very happy if partially delusional. He kept rambling about changing his name to Megamind and a long list of adjectives that Minion could never in a million years remember. His master was delighted when Minion showed him the Exciting room. He suddenly realized that he was jealous. For years Minion had been his master's only friend. Now Bernard was turning their duo into a trio. *I'll live with it.* Minion thought. He was happy that his master seemed to have another true friend, But he was definantly going to figure out Bernard's motives.

"So, how were your last couple of weeks?" Megamind asked, he wanted to start the conversation light, and that was the best he could come up with.

"Stressful, tiring, confusing, good, bad, dark, and light. Your recent activities had made the news, I stayed up late because I couldn't sleep, I don't understand your timing for destroying the schoolhouse, and my reputation at school is even worse than it was before."

"Well your week was certainly, full."

"Enough about me, you all, I can't even begin to comprehend that mess."

"Ok where do you want me to start?" It was a mess, and he didn't know where to start, his first escape, his last day of shool, and his descent into villainy, all were good starting points.

"How about when and why you blew up the schoolhouse? And was the chemical bomb poisonous?" Bernard was pretty sure Six wouldn't actually hurt anyone, despite reports of him being considered armed, dangerous, and if you see this blue child run screaming.

Megamind didn't want to answer the question about why he blew up the shoolhouse, he didn't know if Bernard wanted to be friends with a wanted super villain. "I was angry that you got in trouble for standing up for me, and no it wasn't poisonous it just turned them blue. I didn't stop by the first time I left my former 'home' because I was busy working on Evil Lair. I'm destined to be a super villain so I robbed a bank, but the police fired at Minion so I got rearessted. Minion got me back out and now we're here. Oh by the way I have a name now."

"Wow..." *I though my week had be life changing, But Six and Minion's... wow.* "Ok what is it?"

"Megamind." Megamind decided not to tell him all the adjectives because that would take time and get the conversation off topic.

"So what are you going to do now?" Their new roles as super villains gave them quite a few options.

"We're going to terrorize and eventually take over Metrocity!" Megamind expected Bernard to at the very least be suprised, probably horrified.

He only looked interested. "How do you plan to do that?"

Megamind looked to Minion who shrugged. "I have no idea!" Megamind answered in the same sing song voice he used to declared his goal. Megamind noticed Bernard's alarm clock, it read 2:30 am. "Don't humans go to sleep before now?"

Bernard deflated as he consigned tomorrow to the bad day pile. "You remember how bad school was right?"

"Yes." Megamind suspected he might have to visit the shoolhouse armed with a more lethel weapon than the blue bomb.

"Well it's worse now... not to mention harder to get to." Bernard sighed, his parents kept forgetting to arrange a ride to school, luckily he was already familiar with Metro City public transportation from whenever he went anywhere further than a few miles from home, so it wasn't that big a problem.

"Why?" Megamind knew he'd left Bernard in a worse social state than when he'd arrived, but how could it have possibly gotten worse now that he was long gone?

"Wayne moved the school and apparently our reputations are still connected." Bernard said to a very out-of-it Megamind.

"How do you parents pay the shool?" Megamind had a brilliant plan.

Bernard was beyond confused but answered the question anyway. "Automatic monthly wire transfers. Why?"

Megamind jumped three feet into the air. "Perfect! Where's a computer?"

Bernard decided to just play along and hope for an explanation later. "Right here." Bernard pulled out his laptop.

"Minion reroute the wire transfer to the account." Megamind proceeded to jump around and laugh hysterically.

"Yes Sir." Minion had stolen "Alligator Man's" identity in the hopes that they could use it for some of their more discreet evil plans in the future and add a few pages to his rap sheet in the process. But for now they just used his face to set up a bank account. "Ok it's done."

"Good job Minion!" Megamind stopped dancing around momentarily "Bernard who would the teacher know as your guardian?"

"My nurse." Bernard's thoughts wandered to the lady who was supposed to be taking care of him. But here he was, standing right next to Metro City's new super villain.

"Is she here?"

"Yes, she's asleep."

"Good." Megamind laughed softly but evilly as he slipped downstairs.

"What on Earth is he planning?" Bernard asked Minion.

"He'll tell us when he gets back."

"Great." They stood in semi-akward silence for a few minutes until Minion spoke up.

"Why are you doing this?" Minion had meant for that to come out accusingly, not the nervous half-whisper it was.

"Doing what?" "Being friends with Sir." Minion was a little irritated at explaining to Bernard what he already knew. *How many other manipulative plots to he have going on now?*

"Do I need a ulterior motive?" *What kind've things are going through his mind?*

"That's the most logical explanation."

"You really are protective of Megamind aren't you?"

"I'm his minion, it's my job."

"I bet you're really good at your job."

Bernard found Minion's protectiveness sweet.

"Thanks Bernard, it's just Sir is fragile emotionally. It would destroy him if you where playing with his feelings." *Sir would kill me if he knew I was telling Bernard this.*

"Well I'm not, so it's ok, you were really worried about it weren't you?"

"A little." Minion was very relieved that Bernard wasn't playing with his master's emotions, he liked Bernard and didn't want to kill him.

By this time Megamind had returned, and he was beaming. "This plan is going to work!"

"Good. Now do you mind telling us what the plan is?" Bernard was a little tired of being left in the dark, and just tired. *Tomorrows' going to suck in a very considerable way.* Bernard groaned inwardly. *I'll just get myself sent to to the corner and sleep some.*

"The plan is to get you out of shool without anyone knowing."

"How do you plan to do that?" Bernard's mood lifted at the mere sound of the words.

"Your nurse is going to go to the shool and give the news that you won't be coming to shool anymore because you now have a private tutor. Minion rerouted the money that went to the shool to our account so your parents won't suspect a thing. So now all you have to do is come to Evil Lair everyday. Simple."

Bernard was floating "Simple? That plan is brilliant! Thank you!" He hugged Megamind and set a hand on Minion's bowl. He realized what he was doing and backed up. The situation was kind've funny really. Here he was hugging a super villain and doing the closest possible thing to his minion because they got him out of the 'safe warm welcoming environment' of school.

"Go ahead and come by Evil Lair tomorrow. We're working on our second evil plan!"

"Sounds great." *How on Earth did they already come up with a second evil plan?*

"Oh and on your way can you pick up some coffee?" Megamind put a couple bills into his hand.

"Ok what kind do you like?" Bernard preferred double shot hazelnut expresso with cream and cinnamon himself but he didn't know the typical favorite kind of coffee for blue aliens and alien fish.

"I like triple shot mocha expresso with foam and Minion likes vanilla cappuccino."

"Ok..." The edges of Bernard's vision had blurred out and he was having trouble standing upright. "Guys I hate to rush this happy little reunion but I'm about to pass out."

"Oh, Goodnight Bernard!" Megamind said as he reopened the window.

"Goodnight Bernard!" Minion said as he akwardly followed his master out the window.

"Goodnight." The instant they were gone he smiled, laughed, jumped around a bit, and collapsed into bed.

That night he dreamed about Minion drinking coffee.


	6. Evil Education

**Sorry these things keep taking a while, my life keeps getting in the way. I titled this chapter Evil Education because Bernard goes to Evil Lair to help with Megamind's evil plans instead of going to school. Metro Man reappears in the next chapter followed by Roxanne in the one after that. Please with sugar coated sparkles on top reveiw! **

Bernard woke up a 7:46 the next morning. He was groggy until the events of last night set in. He bolted upright, got dressed and was out of his house in 3 minutes. Then he realized he had no idea where Evil Lair was. *I can't exactly look up Evil Lair in the Yellow Pages, oh I know!" Bernard returned to his room and turned on his computer. Then he checked his parents online banking account to see where Minion rerouted the money.

"Bernard is late minion!" Megamind was panicking *maybe he decided not to come...*

"I know Sir." Minion rolled his eyes, they had went through the same conversation four times already, but no matter how much the fish reassured him Megamind would not calm down.

"What if he's not coming?"

"He said he would be here so he'll be here."

"Then why isn't he here yet?"

"I don't know Sir, maybe something came up-"

"Oh no! Maybe he was attacked on his way over, I didn't choose this place because it was a safe neighborhood, maybe..." Megamind babbled on and on, it went from assault to murder to disintegration.

He was at atomization when they heard screaming from the front door, followed by Bernard being carried by the brain bots to their daddy. "AHH! Ow." Bernard landed with a thud on the concrete floor in front of Megamind and Minion followed by two smaller thuds when the brain bots set down the three cups of coffee he was carrying. "Bad brain bots! No dropping Bernard like that!" He looked just like a normal person admonishing their pets. The picture was so funny Bernard had to laugh. "Sorry I'm late, I had a hard time finding the address for Evil Lair."

"Oh right, I guess I forgot to give you our address. So how did you find it?" Megamind was a little embarrassed that his earlier panic attack was so needless and preventable.

"I just checked where you rerouted the money to go to." He said it like it was a perfectly simple explanation.

*That's it I'm asking him!* Megamind thought. "Are you sure you're not an alien of some sort?"

"It would explain a lot, but to my knowledge I'm human." Bernard wasn't bothered by Megamind's question, partially because he has been asking himself the same question multiple times a day, everyday, for the past few years.

"Sir., the evil plan?" Minion was trying to keep his master on topic so he wouldn't ask a question that would bother Bernard. Since their conversation last night Minion was thoroughly convinced Bernard wasn't toying with his master so now he would do his best to keep Bernard from running for the hills.

"Oh, right, the plan." Megamind was excited to show Bernard the blueprints of his second evil plan. "Wait, there is an imperative matter of business to attend to before we start."

"What is it?"

"the coffee of course."

They were standing in Megamind's Idea room, Minion was holding Megamind's coffee while he was climbing ladders and demonstrating the parts of his plan.

Bernard found the scene very entertaining but Minion was wide eyed and appeared to be seriously considering having the prison psychologist examine him the next time they were arrested.

"Did you understand all of that?" Bernard was smart for a human but he would never be as smart as Megamind, it was physically impossible.

"Basically you're planning on building giant robots, equipping them with lasers, and sending them through the business districts of Metro City, severely crippling the city's economy and causing massive panic."

"Yes that's pretty much the plan."

"Nice plan, I don't see any obvious ways for it to fail."

Now that Megamind was finished with his interesting display of the plan they set about to drinking coffee. Minion's method involved putting a straw in the cup and through a slot in the top of his bowl, and swimming to the top to take a drink.

When they were done they went to work on constructing the giant robots with lasers. Bernard quickly realized he was barely qualified to find their tools. He'd read books on the subject of machines and artificial intelligence but what they were doing was beyond the author's of said books wildest dreams. Bernard tried to keep up with what they were saying and even wrote down a few notes as he helped them break several federal laws.

Things went in a similar manner, except for periodic coffee runs made by Bernard, until late in the night, not that they knew or cared what time of day or night it was, when the internal systems of the robots and lasers where done.

"Ok now there's only one thing left to do before we are ready to execute evil plan number two!" Megamind was excited, his descent into villainy had started out slow but now he was getting into robots and lasers.

"What's that?" As far as Bernard could tell everything in their machines were ready to go cause some havoc.

"Only the most important thing, the very thing that separates the villains from the super villains: Presentation!"

Minion pulled out some spray paint, hot glue guns, blue glitter, and spikes. They glued the spikes all over the robots, Megamind got an idea to use the spray paint to make lightening bolts, and they literally coated the robots in blue glitter. It was finally ready at around 5:30 in the morning.

"It's five thirty, I have to get home! And how am I still awake?" The answer was in the 36 coffee cups scattered throughout the lair.

"Before you leave would you mind being dehydrated?" Megamind had tested his dehydration gun on Minion, he knew it didn't hurt people, but he never had a human test subject that would stick around to answer questions.

"Sir!"

"What exactly is being dehydrated?"

"I just shoot you with this gun, you turn into a blue cube, I pour water on your cube, and you're back to normal."

"Sounds like fun."

Megamind dehydrates and rehydrates Bernard. "How do you feel?"

"Tingly." It was weird, but it felt good to his sleep deprived brain. He began to wobble.

"Sir. Bernard needs to get home."

"Do you need us to take you home?"

"No I'm fine, I brought a knife just in case anything happened on the way over."

"That reminds me..." Megamind pulled out a gun that was identical to the one he had shot Bernard with and a watch. "This is a communicator / hologram projector watch and this gun can dehydrate and destroy things."

"Thank you." Bernard's vision was starting to blur at the edges. "I really need to go now."

"Ok, what time are you coming back tomorrow?" Megamind said *Humans go to sleep far to early.* "About eight now that I know where you are. Bye!"

"Goodbye." Megamind and Minion said. They weren't about to go to sleep, they had an evil plan to execute.

On his way home Bernard picked up one last cup of coffee from the Coffee House so he could watch the live report on the chaos his friends were about to cause.

The plan went well and it naturally did make the news, which Bernard still watched despite how detrimental that activity was to his health.


	7. Metro Man

**It's been a couple weeks since I've updated and to anyone who's following my story (thanks people, sugar and sparkles for all of you!) I'm sorry, but if it helps I have a legitamate excuse: I was updating my other two Megamind storys Evil Queen and Megamind Oneshots. As the title suggests Wayne / Metro Man comes in during this chapter. I'm ending this one with a clift-hanger and I'm going to title the next chapter Saving Private Minion. I did not read the book... I don't even know if it is a book! So don't expect any plot similarities. I'm going to quit apologizing for the length of time between each update because that's seeming to happen every chapter. I still mean it and if it takes a while please refer to the promise on my profile page.**

Things went that way for ten years, Bernard's routine consisted of wake up; get dressed; purchase coffee for himself, Megamind, and Minion; help said super villain and minion commit federal crimes; return to his official place of residence, he no longer considered it home because he spent about two hours a day there, mostly unconscious; watch the news concerning the execution of their evil plans; go to sleep; do it all again. The sad part was, no one knew the difference.

Though the routine did change after Bernard got his job at the Metrocity Museum, now he woke up; got dressed; purchased coffee and took it to Evil Lair; then he'd speed walk to work, he never bought a car or got his drivers license; he would be bored out of his mind until the museum closed at 5 pm. Then he'd speed walk back to Evil Lair with more coffee and help Megamind and Minion in their evil plans. Then most of the time he'd sleep at Evil Lair now that it was completely certain that his nurse wouldn't miss him, now that he was nineteen she was long gone.

Bernard started the pattern again that day. He got dressed, that day he wore a black polo and black jeans, the black and the spikes had rubbed off, and he started speed walking to the Coffee House. Once there he met Anthony inside.

"Good Morning Bernard." Anthony greeted his best customer and acquaintance.

"Good morning Tony."

Anthony handed him the three cups of coffee he had already prepared. "Here's your triple shot mocha espresso with foam, your double shot hazelnut espresso with cream and cinnamon, and your vanilla cappuccino."

"Thanks Tony." Bernard handed him the two hundred dollars that Megamind had given him for coffee expenses, which was considerable. "This should put a dent in my tab."

"Whose the other two coffees for?" Anthony started the running gag where he would ask who the coffee was for and Bernard would refuse oddly vehemently over the supposedly unconsequental subject. Anthony suspected they were for Megamind and his minion, not that he would tell anyone.

"You know I'll never say Tony." Bernard knew he suspected something pretty close to the truth, but he probably wouldn't tell anyone.

"I know, see you later Bernard."

"Bye Tony."

Bernard continued speed walking to Evil Lair, he would run but that would've spilled the coffee, and Bernard found speed walking to be more fun.

When Bernard got to Evil Lair he glanced around to make sure no one was watching. The Brain Bots were programmed to attack him like they would anyone else if anyone was around, it was for his own good but being dropped from eight feet in the air was not pleasant, and they only followed the don't-drop-Bernard order half the time. Satisfied he walked through the holographic wall that was the entrance to Evil Lair. The holograph did its job well but they added some "no one lives here" graffiti for good measure.

"Hello?" A dehydration beam went past him catching an unlucky Brain Bot. Bernard laughed as he unholstered his own dehydration gun and jumped behind a generator as his assailant fired at him again. He spotted Megamind and had shot at him when Minion entered the room. The shot hit him and reduced him to a blue cube. Megamind fired again and turned Bernard into a cube. He reveled in his victory for a minute before rehydrating Bernard, Minion, and the Brain Bot with some coffee. Super villains have to have fun like everyone else.

Megamind briefed Bernard on the new evil plan that involved luring the citizens of Metrocity to a clift with the Brain Bots while his satellite he built recently would fire some altered radio waves into the lake causing a flood. "Good luck with that. Bye, I'll be back at 5." Bernard was hyper from being rehydrated with coffee.

Bernard speed walked to work, slower now that the fun part of his day was over. The day dragged like always and he raced out of the museum like it was about to explode.*That's a good idea for an evil plan. I'll have to mention that when I get to Evil Lair.*

When he entered Evil Lair with the coffee, after checking if the coast was clear first of course, he found Megamind doing the finishing touches on his satellite, or Flood Ray as Megamind was calling it as he was talking into a monitor... to a flying man wearing a cape.

*Wayne!* His mind hissed... he should have known he couldn't get goody two shoes out of his life so easily, Bernard didn't personally hate him but the mere sight of the flying person filled him with the anger that came with being a friend of Megamind's.

On the nights he couldn't sleep for his massive caffeine consumption Bernard's mind wandered to what his, Minion's, and Megamind's lives would be like without Wayne leading the massive army of soft headed groupies against them. Now here he was getting in the way of their new life as super villains.

Suddenly Wayne busted through the roof. Bernard barely had enough time to conceal himself behind an idea wall before Wayne grabbed Megamind by the collar, his trademark, and Minion by the water purification system. He flew off with them.

Bernard turned on the monitors that surrounded Evil Lair and the ones that covered the all news channels for Metrocity. He learned from the news that the newly self declared Metro Man Defender of Metrocity had apprehended the super villain Megamind, self declared Incredibly Handsome Master of all Villainy, during his attempt to flood Metrocity and kill thousands of people.

If Bernard had been in a better mood he would've laughed, Megamind would never hurt anyone, did they forget he had lured them up a clift before hand? And on top of that they got Megamind's adjectives wrong. As it was he was filled with the familiar anger at their stupidity and ignorance.

The brain Bots gathered around him for comfort. Bernard petted several of their domes, reassured them that daddy would be home soon, and threw a wrench for them. They chased it around the lair as Bernard worked on his own idea wall.

Megamind was not surprised that he was back to his old 'home'. Technically new old 'home, they made a new cell apparently just for him. The warden had realized that even though Megamind was a super villain he was not a killer yet so he painted the walls with cute animals and the phrase "Happy Thoughts Make Happy People" as a preventative measure against future regrettable incidents.

He'd expected it to happen sooner and more frequently, but the police rarely stood up to him anymore. He was about to call it quits and take over Metrocity when luckily Wayne turned Metro Man appeared. Luckily because Megamind had about gotten tired of terrorizing the city, in other words the fun part, but now there was a whole new category of battles to be fought with the new hero. He fell asleep and in his dreams he was already fighting Metro Man.

Megamind woke up to the sound of his door closing behind someone... and that that someone had taken Minion. Megamind pounded on a the window until Houston appeared. "Houston who took Minion?" Megamind was a mixture of enraged, scared, disbelieving, and in shock about what his mind told him had just happened.

"A new officer, James Kloyd, he was ordered to take your pet as leverage to make you become a solid citizen." His tone showed how much he approved of the action, (less than none).

"Minion's not my pet he's my friend, where did they take him?" Rage was emerging as the dominant emotion.

Houston was more than happy to answer. "They're taking him to storage closet to remove his bowl."

"Houston you have to let me go, they have to be stopped!" Megamind was struggling to plan his escape, since he knew Houston was never in a million years going to help him, while he dealt with the not-very-surprising revelation that people where even worse than he'd previously thought.

"Ok, but you managed to escape on your own while I was going for coffee. And I refused to answer any of your questions concerning Minion." Houston was a softie for animals, including talking alien piranhas.

"Ok, thank you Houston." Ok maybe not all of them were worse than he'd thought.


	8. Saving Private Minion

**This chapter answers the question why doesn't Metro Man ever bother arresting Minion. Warning this chapter is a little dark so bring a flashlight. By the way I have confirmed that Saving Private Ryan is a book. Roxanne comes in next chapter! Please review, reviewers get a free imaginary puppy! **

Megamind didn't have a plan, which is not a good thing when you're a super villain racing down the halls of a prison, trying to find your best friend, before someone makes the mistake of hurting him resulting in the sudden total destruction of the city.

*Next time I am so going to have a plan in case something like this happens, and I should have never believed that people were above taking Minion from me.* He made a detour and entered the room where they kept his things.

Shortly afterwards Megamind exited the room in full super villain garb complete with dehydration gun, currently set to destroy, and communicator watch. The guards he passed, at least the small percentage that noticed the blue alien in his flashy hi-I'm-a-super-villain outfit, either froze in shock at the strange sight or fled... It was a wise choice, because Megamind was not in a dehydrating mood.

There were times Minion wished he was not a fish with removable mechanical limbs, this was one of those times. He had see his master stir when he was taken, so he knew he was going to be rescued eventually. But as to if that was going to happen before they discovered the open-bowl-button or after was is question. They had brought out a chainsaw when Minion saw his master appear from around a corner. *Sir!*

After terrifying a few more halls of people Megamind found the scene he was searching for. Everyone present was scared stiff at the villain's blind rage at seeing his minion's bowl being cut open with a chainsaw.

"If anyone moves they're dead." Megamind grabbed Minion and fled before they regained their wits and called some guards, after hiding the saw, water saw, letter opener, and machete that was the evidence of their failed attempts to pierce Minion's bowl.

Megamind fled the building and hid behind an abandoned car on the outskirts of a nearby gas station, luckily it was almost dark and there was no one there. He used his communicator watch and called Bernard.

Bernard had been about to go to bed, simply for lack of anything to do while Megamind and Minion were away, when his communicator watch pinged. They had added the ping feature when Bernard got his job at the museum a year ago for obvious reasons.

"Megamind?" They usually avoided pinging him this late just in case the "_inferior human," _in Megamind's own un-intentionally offensive words, was sleeping.

"Bernard we need your help!"

"Ok, could you be more specific as to the kind of help?"

"Code get the car and meet us at Red's gas station."

"Code on my way, Bernard out." By now Bernard was in the invisible car, had turned it on, and was pulling out of Evil Lair. Just because he didn't have a license didn't mean he couldn't drive.

Bernard arrived at Red's without incident, thanks to the invisible feature since at times he was pushing 120mph. He opened the door for Megamind and Minion, and they sped away.

Minion was worried about his master, who hadn't said anything after he got off the communicator with Bernard. Minion looked up at him and saw the "Evil Mastermind is Plotting, Do Not Disturb" look on his face that could only mean he was fomulating an evil plan.

The instant the car was no longer moving Megamind jumped out. "Brain Bots, go through Metrocity and find as much dynamite as you can."

*Dynamite! Sir I really don't think you should be blowing anything up in your state.* Minion didn't say it out loud because it would just be met with denial.

Megamind raced to the Monitor Room before Bernard or Minion could ask what the plan was that had him acting so strangely, strangely for him anyway, on a normal scale he was always acting strangely.

Megamind's thoughts were in a whirlwind. *Minion's bowl had almost been breached... What would they have done if they'd succeeded? Would they have...killed Minion?* Megamind wasn't certain, but he knew that they must never have another chance at it.

"Megamind what are you doing?"

"They tried to kill Minion, if Minion is ever rearrested they might try again."

By this time the Brain Bots had returned with the dynamite. "Good Brain Bots, now take it to Metro Tower and prepare it for detonation for Daddy."

"Detonation? Sir I really appreciate your concern over those people trying to kill me but don't you think destroying Metro Tower and killing thousands of people might possibly be a slight overreaction?"

"Oh I'm not planning on killing anyone, I will if the plan doesn't work of course, but the idea is to blackmail Metro Man into never arresting you again."

"Oh, well that's good Sir, I'm glad you're not planning on destroying the tower or killing people." Minion knew it was evil and selfish, but the idea that his master would kill, an activity he wasn't fond of, to protect him made Minion feel loved.

"Bernard turn on the monitor and call Metro Man. Minion you leave," Before Minion could get offended he quickly added "I can't convince anyone how deadly serious I am if I'm an emotional mess."

Minion left the room as Bernard called Metro Man and Megamind tried to make himself look as menacing as possible.

"Hello Metro Man, you have 3 minutes to get to the Metro Arena before I detonate three thousand pounds of dynamite in Metro Tower, you would never be able to evacuate everyone in time."

The crowd was unnerved at Megamind's mood change, he wasn't the normal giddy wouldn't-actually-hurt-anyone villain they were used to.

Metro Man arrived at the Arena in 2 minutes and 37 seconds.

"Bravo Metro Man, for a second there I was afraid that you weren't going to make it and that I was going to have to destroy the tower."

"What do you want Megamind?"

*You and the city destroyed for what you almost did to Minion.* "After our last round of fun and games there was an incident that nearly killed my minion, that can never happen again." The last part came out as a hiss. "You're never to arrest Minion ever again, or else the next time around I will destroy all of Metrocity."

"You would never do that, not if your still planning on taking over Metro City."

"Minion is more important to me than your pathetic city full of your mindless drones."

Bernard wasn't surprised that it was true, he knew Megamind loved Minion, but he was surprised that he would admit such an invigilation thing in front of all of Metrocity.

Metro Man didn't have any further argument to offer. "Ok I promise never to arrest your precious minion ever again."

"Good, because if you do..." He indicated the detonator.

"I know I know, you'll blow up Metro City."

Megamind's humor returned "What's wrong Metro Man, don't like it that your city is in my evil clutches?"

Metro Man's frown deepened.

"MWAHAHA!" Megamind motioned for Bernard to cut the feed.

"Minion's going to be happy about what you said Megamind."

"What do you mean, he didn't hear anything." Megamind didn't really care about the possible damage to his evil reputation saying something loving about Minion in front of the masses would cause, a particularly terrifying evil plan or two would fix it. But Minion's opinion was important and the idea of being known as anything less than an evil monster by him was just wrong.

"Sir!" Minion burst in suddenly. He had barely believed it when he saw his master declaring how much he valued him in front of the entire city. Minion could not help himself and he hugged Megamind.

Bernard was watching and from his angle could see just how an uncomfortable position Megamind was in. But seeing as how Megamind was going along with it he decided to say nothing and leave the evil super villain and his minion to their hug.

Megamind and Metro Man continued their battles, and after a while a sick twisted friendship formed. They had an understanding, Megamind wouldn't do anything too heinous and Metro Man wouldn't arrest Minion.


	9. Revenge of the Muse

**I'm very sorry about the accidental hiatus, It shouldn't have happened. I had the time and the will, but it just wasn't happening. But my muse is back now so it's all good! I hope to make it up to those who care with some rapid-fire updates. Please review! **

Despite Bernard and Minion's best efforts, Megamind decides to stay in Metrocity and fight Wayne. Or Metro Mahn, as he now calls himself.

This fact was infuriating to the trio, but less so for Megamind, who accepted it as destiny once again showing favor to good over evil. Bernard and Minion were less confident.

*It figures he would be their hero. Everyone else in this city, and probably the world, are just as much blind sheep as the people at shool.* The situation was not helping Bernard's idealism which, if it were humanly possible, would be less than zero.

On the bright side, it was also bringing Bernard and Minion closer together. Minion was also feeling the effects of being rejected by society, but Megamind had grown to love eliciting hate and fear from the masses: That left Bernard. Sometimes, while Megamind was in prison, Minion and Bernard would go to the Coffee House and the library behind it- (In disguise of course.)- to find inspiration for the next evil plan.

All the while talking quietly about how they wanted to wring Metro Man's neck and how unfortunate it was that that would be impossible. After one of Megamind's more miserable failures left him depressed, Bernard and Minion considered broadcasting what Metro Man did to Megamind in shool. But they decided against it, mainly because no one would believe it anyway.

Megamind, Minion, and Bernard were returning to Evil Lair after once again breaking Megamind out of prison.

"Megamind, Minion and I went to the library earlier today and I read a book called Invasion of the Body Snatchers and-"

"Let me guess: humanity prevails." Megamind disliked that aspect of science fiction and gave his opinion on the subject whenever it was raised.

"They only loose due to miracles and stratigical error Sir."

"Thanks Minion."

"But humanity loses in this one!" Bernard counters excitedly.

"Um, Bernard, you do remember that you are a human, right?" Megamind looks at him quizzically.

"For a minute there, I guess I forgot."

Megamind laughed. "So which side would you be on, snatchers or snatchees?"

"What do you think?"

"Snatchers?"

"Ding." Bernard wasn't at all ashamed that he'd just disowned humanity. *Maybe because they disowned me first.* He briefly thought back to his shool days before returning to the jovial celebration of another successful breakout.

A few weeks later, Metro Man foiled that plot because the evil clone of a pilot malfunctioned and sent the plane spiraling towards Earth. Naturally, Metro Man saved everyone and received a statue depicting himself holding up a plane for his efforts.

Megamind obviously didn't like always losing to Metro Man, but it was a challenge and that's what he lived for. Along with being evil. So they kept trying to kill Metro Man to the point of predictability, untill...

**Cliff-Hanger! But I still feel bad about the hiatus, so if you don't want any spoilers leave now. You have been warned!  
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_Megamind notices Metro Man paying particular attention to Roxanne. He kidnaps her, it does not go well for him. Bernard and Minion enjoy his pain. Megs and Bernard watch Channel 8 news. _


	10. Evil Microphone

**Ok not exactly rapid fire, but still better than the last one. My muse is still being nice, so I should have the next one up soon. **

Minion busted through the wall into Megamind's special cell, which hadn't been hadn't been repainted since he became a super villain years ago. "Sir!" Minion called when Megamind didn't move, but he stayed glued to the television screen. "Sir?"

"Minion, have you noticed Metro Man has been paying particular attention to one reporter?"

"No Sir, and we really should be leaving before someone comes to investigate that massive explosion."

Megamind finally gets up and follows him out via the gaping hole in the wall. "I still think there's something between Metro Man and this reporter."

Minion glances behind them. "I'm sure you're absolutely right about that Sir, but maybe we should have this conversation when we're not being pursued by the police."

Megamind risks a look behind them. *That's too close. I really need to invent something to either slow them down or speed us up.*

Minion reached the waiting car first; he jumped into the car and pulled Megamind in behind him.

"Go! Go! Go!" Megamind half screamed at Bernard. It didn't really matter if he or Minion were caught, he still had that deal with Metro Man. But Bernard had a life outside of villainy. It wouldn't be hard to get him under the same protection as Minion, but it would be a little tough to explain to the manager of the museum why Bernard was assisting the local super villain. But then again with all the publicity that would raise for the museum Bernard might just get promoted.

They get back to Evil Lair in record time. "Bernard, will you go through the Channel 8 News recordings and see if one reporter talks about Metro Man more than the others?"

"Which reporter?"

"Her name is Roxanne Ritchi. If I'm right, then Metro Man might have an emotional attachment to that fragile human."

Bernard sets up their recognition software on his computer. They had invented it to identify future targets, mainly Metro Man related events. It worked by using a combination of facial and voice recognition.

While the program was running, Bernard worked on a new car air freshener. He didn't go down to help Megamind and Minion with their latest machine because it was going to fire micro-implosion charges in the hopes of reducing or maybe even eliminating Metro Man's power. Even though Megamind and Minion tried to be discreet about it, Bernard knew they tried to keep him away from the more volatile parts of their projects. And since this would definitely count as one of them, Bernard decided to save them the trouble.

Minion watches as Megamind trips over his Evil Swivel Chair on the way over to the new doom machine with some tools. Minion catches him using the arm-extension feature on his mechanical body. "Are you ok Sir?"

"Yeah I'm fine Minion, I'm just detracted by the possibility of Metro Man having a weakness."

"Don't worry about it Sir. Bernard will be back with a definite answer when the test is finished."

Megamind tries to concentrate on his work, but he can't stop thinking about Metro Man and the reporter.

Bernard shows up with a piece of paper; he gives it to Megamind. Megamind just needs one glance at it to tell that he was right.

"What does it say Sir? Were you right?"

"Of course I was right, and by a large margin. The average reporter talks about Metro Man eight times an hour, but Miss. Ritchi talks about him seventeen times an hour."

"So they most likely have some sort of bond that we can exploit?" Bernard was glowing, it had been a while since their last concrete lead as to how they could destroy Metro Man.

"Yes, it appears so." Megamind face palmed. It was so obvious, Metro Man was physically invincible, But as far as intelligence went, Megamind was far superior. He had spent all this time attacking Metro Man on his rival's terms. But now it was time to change the game.

"What are we going to do now Sir?"

"I'm going to pick up Miss. Ritchi, you two finish the Implodinator, and we'll continue from there."

When Megamind returned to Evil Lair he had a brain bot bring him an ice pack.

"What happened?" Minion asked concerned.

"The reporter hit me with her microphone." Megamind had expected her to faint, scream, or run. Not hit him repeatedly on the head with her microphone. *I think I have a concussion.*

"Are you sure you want to go through with this?" Bernard asked. Very rarely was Megamind really hurt, even when he was fighting Metro Man directly in some giant robot. Except in the battle after their threat to blow up Metro Tower.

"She's Metro Man's only weakness we've found so far, maybe his only one. We have to exploit it." Megamind, despite his concussion, was still confident about his new angle on Metro Man.

"I better leave now, before Metro Man shows up." Bernard announced and started toward the exit.

"Ok Bernard, be sure you're at Metro Park by 5 so you don't miss it." Megamind said excitedly.

Minion waved as Bernard left before turning to his master. "Sir, how exactly do you plan on using Miss. Ritchi in our plan with the Implodinator?"

Megamind's widening eyes was all the answer Minion needed.

**Please Review!**


	11. Roxanne Ritchi

**Hi, I'd like to inform anyone reading this that instead of writing a heartwarming story about Roxanne showing Bernard that people aren't really that bad and Megamind and Minion saving the Metrocity from Titan I chose the darker cynical route. I think that means that this is officially a dark!fic. I shouldn't be so proud of that... **

Megamind did eventually come up with a way to use Roxanne in his plan. After dedicating a half-hour to plotting, which was unpleasant after being hit on the head with a microphone, an unwanted throbbing reminder that he'd almost been brought down by the hero's _girlfriend_, he decided to use her as bait. *I bet you weren't planning on this when you started dating the hero of Metrocity Miss. Ritchi.*

Bernard had left earlier, but Megamind had been over-enthusiastic in his use of the knock out spray in his bid to stop Roxanne from hitting him with her microphone. As a result she had stayed unconscious much longer than expected, which prompted a scared out of his mind Megamind to send the the Brain Bots to pick up the resident human (Bernard). Said human wasn't happy about the impromptu ride on Brain Bot Airs, mainly because they forgot to follow the don't-drop-Bernard order. Again. But as always he was glad for the excuse to stay longer at Evil Lair, which was to him less of a second home and more just home.

Most of the swelling on Megamind's head had went down before he started thinking clearly again. He knew Roxanne had just been defending herself, but her relationship with Metro Man had filled his oversized mind with many hateful scenarios, which to his composed mind were slightly stretched. Thoughts of the upcoming battle with Metro Man were helping and soon he'd be ready to start up this round fun and games.

Bernard could barely keep from laughing at the scene before him. Minion was serving cupcakes to an awake and disturbingly calm Roxanne. He was a lot worried about the possible implications of how in stride she was taking her predicament, ie: kidnapped by the official supervillain of Metrocity. He would talk to Megamind about it later, but for now Bernard was happy watching the super villain's minion swap dessert recipes with said super villain's damsel not-actually-in-much distress.

Minion was watching a laughing Bernard from the corner of his eye while he served cupcakes to Roxanne. He had only been talking to the reporter for a few minutes and she had gotten him, camera-shy supervillain's assistant with two friends in the world, to share several of his top secret recipes he'd invented specifically to give Megamind some nutrition. Minion was thoroughly convinced that Roxanne had picked her job as a reporter well. *I better tell Sir about this, or she'll have the blueprints for all of his inventions and the location of Evil Lair by the time this evil plan is complete.*

Megamind was walking over to where they had stashed Roxanne, when he heard laughter. Upon closer investigation he realized that both of his minions and their kidnappee were in hysterics. Even in his bad mood he couldn't help but smile at the scene in front of him.

Minion noticed his master standing in the doorway first. "Are you ready to start the plan now Sir?"

"Yes Minion. Bernard, you better go if you want a good seat for the show."

"Ok, ciao ciao all!" Bernard was excited as he walked to Metro Park, but he was careful to walk slowly enough to not attract attention.

Megamind started up the the projector that would make a realistic hologram of Roxanne so that it would look like she was actually in the Implodinator in the hopes that Metro Man would back off to avoid harming 'her'. "Ok Minionthat part is done, so I'll go get in the Implodinator and get this party started. Now don't forget to start the lasers and-"

"No."

"...What?"

"I'll man the Implodinator; you stay here and operate the lasers and music." Minion rarely defied his master, but this concerned Megamind's safety, so Minion was seeing this fight through, and he was going to win.

Apparently the look in his eyes said as much because Megamind gave in with little more than a glare. *Stupid overprotective nanny-fish.*

Even though Minion would be safe in his indestructible bowl in his robot suit in the implodinator there was still the problemof Roxanne witnessing, not only him taking orders from his minion, but also them having a thinly veiled moment. He looked over to where she was watching some monitors and otherwise trying hard to pretend that she had missed their moment.

Megamind strode menacingly over into her space. *Hopefully this will restore some of my dignity.* "You didn't see a thing."

Roxanne just shrugged and quickly replace her brief look of fear with a smirk. "Whatever you say Megamind."

Ok, so that didn't work quite as well as Megamind had hoped, but at least Roxanne's verbal concession meant that this little incident probably wouldn't end up on the news. Not that he couldn't fix his reputation again like he had after he practically declared his undying devotion to Minion to all of the citizens of Metrocity near a television set.

Bernard was sitting on a bench in the park when AC/DC started playing. He looked up and smiled at the cloud of Brain Bots hovering around where he knew the Implodinator would be. *This is gonna be good.*


	12. Live, Learn, Crash, Burn

**Ta-da!**

*Or not.*

Metro Man, already upset about his girlfriend being kidnapped was frustrated at not being able to destroy the Implodinator, decides to take his anger out of the Brain Bots.

When Minion figured out what Metro Man was doing, Minion quickly ordered the Brain Bots to disperse. "Sir!" He yelled into his watch.

Megamind was watching the chaos on a monitor when Minion called. "Yes Minion?"

"Sir, Metro Man is destroying the Brain Bots! I think kidnapping Miss. Ritchi might have been a mistake."

"You think Minion?" Megamind sighed. "Fend him off until I get there."

"What are you going to do Sir?"

"I'm going to take Roxanne to Metro Man."

Minion sighed, he was going to have to break his master out of prison again. *But at least he will be able to catch up on some sleep.*

Megamind face palmed. *Of course, the one time we attack him in a way that we have an edge he reacts so badly we have to call it off. Typical.* He picked up the can of knock out spray and walked over to Roxanne. "Don't think this is the last you'll see of me." Roxanne just smiled and waved 'goodbye' mockingly until the KO gas took affect.

Minion was launching as many micro-implosion charges at Metro Man as possible when he saw Megamind arrive. His entrance wasn't as flashy as usual due to time constraints, but it was probably just as well since Metro Man was already in a very bad mood. Minion saw that Metro Man was much rougher on Megamind than necessary considering the villain basically just gave himself up and made a mental note to use a particularly fast get-out-of-jail-free plan.

Bernard was having a hard time keeping his face neutral while standing among the growing crowd of cheering onlookers. *Don't they see that Metro Man is hurting Megamind?* The applause that rose from the crowd at a cop who shoved Megamind when he didn't get in the cruiser fast enough to suit him answered his question. *Oh they see it alright; they're loving it.* When the cruiser Megamind was in was out of sight and Minion had fled with the still-functioning Brain Bots, Bernard walked unseeingly through the crowd in the general direction of the Coffee House.

Anthony smiled at Bernard when he walked into the Coffee House. "Bernard, glad you stopped being such a stranger, it's been a whole seven hours since you came by. I was about to send out a search party to go look for you."

Bernard smiled weakly at Tony's not-far-from-the-truth joke.

Apparently Tony noticed Bernard's somber mood and put two and two together. "You upset over your buddy getting arrested again?"

Bernard didn't answer, which whenever Tony brought up Megamind generally meant 'yes'.

"Don't worry about it Bernard. I'm sure you and Minion will have him out causing chaos and drinking obscene amounts of coffee with you by the end of the week."

"Thanks Tony." He meant it, because the fact that someone had confidence that everything would be alright made Bernard feel a tiny bit better.

"No problem. So you want the usual?"

"No, I want two large Mocha Joy Juices with extra sugar, please."

Minion had discovered a new low. His master was in prison again, approximately 50, but most likely more, Brain Bots were so damaged they couldn't return to Evil Lair, and all Minion could do about it was wait until dark to go collect the damaged Brain Bots. In the mean time he was working on a plan to bust his master out of prison. Minion was having a hard time coming up with anything since, according to the Brain Bot he sent to watch his master and alert Minion if he was really hurt, Metro Man had taken it upon himself to guard Megamind personally. So Minion is glad when Bernard shows up, or more accurately, the Brain Bots, who are on high alert for obvious reasons, carry him in. *Maybe Bernard will have an idea of what to do.* It was an unspoken agreement among the three that Megamind was the leader with two minions, but that when Megamind was away Bernard was in charge.

To Bernard's relief, the Brain Bots followed the don't-drop-Bernard order and gently set him and the coffee down. Bernard handed one to Minion who took a sip and jerked back. "What is this?"

"It's espresso with chocolate syrup and sugar."

"...Why?"

"Because we have a lot of work to do."

*Could this day get any worse?* Megamind wonders from where he was sitting in the prison infirmary. His plan to use Metro Man's feelings against him had failed miserably, his arm had been broken on the way to his former home, and to top it all off Metro Man was practically standing on top of him. "Isn't there some hero stuff you should be doing?"

"Other than keeping the single most dangerous man in the world off the streets, no."

Megamind laughs. "Oh please, the single most potentially dangerous man in the world: yeah, but there are a lot of people out there that are much worse than me."

Metro Man scowled and got in the other man's face. "You have committed countless counts of attempted murder, even more counts of causing mass panic and property destruction, and now you've added kidnapping to the list. How exactly does that make you only potentially dangerous?"

Megamind saw red around the edges. *Is everyone in Metrocity besides Minion, Bernard, and I completely blind?* "What do you think would happen if I decided I wanted to wipe Metrocity off the map?" He asked angrily.

Metro Man stepped back in horror.

"Exactly," Megamind's smile was terrifying, "If I so chose to do so, I could destroy your precious city with no problem."

"Shut up," Metro Man yells, "do you know how many people would care if I killed you? None. All of Metro City wishes you dead. So don't you dare threaten Metro City again or so help me you won't live to be arrested again."

Megamind was stunned. It's not that he really cared that Metrocity hated him, he encouraged it, and he knew they wouldn't mind if he was killed, but Megamind didn't realize they actually wanted him dead. "Minion would care." He whispered. Bernard would too, but his being a member of Team Evil was top secret.

An emotion ...remorse? ghosted across Metro Man's face before he disappeared. Megamind stared at the space Metro Man inhabited just seconds ago in shock. It seems that Metro Man had also been forced into playing a role he didn't want, but where Megamind is lucky and enjoys his, it looks like Metro Man doesn't. *Maybe he was never as blind as he made himself appear.*


	13. Going Evil

**Hi, it's been awhile. I think I'm going to end this story here, unless you want this thing to continue, but this seems like a pretty good place to end it. Or maybe not. I don't know. Comment and tell me. **

Bernard and Minion had went through four coffees each and had gotten several of the broken Brain Bots up and running, but it was definitely going to be an all-night-and-most-of-the-next-day-er. They took a break on their fifth coffee run and had their coffee in the Coffee House.

"Bernard, when are we going to retrieve Sir?"

Bernard's slump became even deeper. "I don't know. We need to wait long enough to appease Metrocity a little bit, and for Metro Man to decide to stop babysitting him."

Minion nodded. He wasn't happy about leaving Megamind in the hands of Metrocity for one second longer than necessary, but it has been proven by experience that Bernard knows what he's doing.

Many people wished Megamind dead, Metro Man had confirmed that, but Megamind didn't expect the shot when it came. He heard footsteps and the two gates opening. Megamind spun around dramatically. "Good evening Wardahh!"

The bullet flew through the opening were the door should be and hit its mark, right between Megamind's eyes. The door closed behind his assailant leaving Megamind sitting in a growing puddle of his own green blood. **(AN: Why yes I did just make Megs a Vulcan.) **

"Sir?"

"Megamind!"

"Time to wake up Sir!"

"Wakey wakey Mr. Super villain!"

Megamind opened his eyes to the sight of his minion and his arch nemesis standing by his bed in the infirmary. "What happened?"

"One of Roxy's fanboys didn't appreciate your latest stunt."

"That's pretty disproportionate considering Roxanne herself didn't press charges."

"Well Sir, the media is certainly playing the situation up."

"Apparently this type of thing is good for ratings." Metro Man said with more than a hint of disgust.

"Did they make me look bad?"

"Yeah."

"Very bad Sir, they made you look like a complete monster."

Megamind sat up and clasped his hands, "Good!" -and then remembered that he had been shot in the head just hours ago. "So Minion, what brings you here?" Megamind eyed Metro Man suspiciously. "We have a deal, remember? You don't arrest Minion unless you want some highly populated buildings in Metrocity to go boom."

Metro Man scoffed, "You aren't in any shape to be blowing things up. That's part of why I'm letting Minion take you to wherever you call home."

"What?"

"That's right Sir, and Bernard's threat to sic the brain bots on the masses didn't hurt."

"Bernard?"

"MINION!"

"Sorry Sir."

Megamind glared briefly at him before turning it on a chuckling Metro Man.

"So, you have two minions. Bernard is it? Perhaps I should look him up."

Megamind growled. "Bernard goes under the same protection as Minion."

"Fine. Just get out of here before someone sees you and raises some difficult questions."

Minion picked up a protesting Megamind.

"Minion! Don't carry me in front of my nemesis! Put me down!"

"Yes Sir." Minion let him stand for himself but still supported most of his weight.

"Oh by the way, if you tell anyone about this I will deny it under oath." Metro Man continued almost to himself, "Your word against mine, who do you think the masses will believe?"

"Oh you most definitely." He waved from his place at the door. "Until next time Metro Man."

They were able to walk out of the prison and meet Bernard, who was waiting in the invisible car, with no trouble. With Metro Man supposedly babysitting Megamind inside the prison most of the guards that were normally there were stationed elsewhere. And the remaining few were so intimidated by Megamind and Minion that they did nothing to stop them.

"Hi Megamind, where to?"

"Evil Lair, where else?"

"Aren't you afraid of Metro Man tailing us?"

Megamind grimaced as Minion laid him down in the back seat hurriedly and scrambled into the passenger seat next to Bernard. "No, he could've simply picked you up when you arrived."

"Unless he wants us to lead him to Evil Lair." Bernard frowned. *He's usually the one to come up with these things. Maybe the bullet did more damage than Metro Man thought. After all, he is by far not the brightest bulb in the box. Should we even be moving Megamind is his state?* But the fact remained that someone other than him and Minion was able to break into Megamind's cell, the safest place in the entire prison for a super villain with bad PR, and the infirmary was much less secure.

"I don't think that's it either. When we talked about the mindless drones and how they adore him and despise me he seemed upset. Also, he easily allowed you to be added into our deal."

It took much of Bernard's self-restraint not to slam on the break. "Goody-two-shoes knows about me!"

"Yes Bernard. Sorry." *I really have to stop telling other people our secrets.*

"Metro Man really didn't appreciate his mindless drones enjoyment of Roxanne's 'peril'."

"I doubt Roxanne appreciates it very much either." Bernard commented dryly.

"When you put it that way Sir, it sounds like Metro Man, and possibly Miss. Ritchi, might eventually end up on Team Evil."

"Yes Minion, and when they do, we'll be there to greet them."

Evil laughter and AC/DC filled the invisible car as they sped away to Evil Lair.

**I know that in previous chapters Metro Man knew where Evil Lair was, but it has been so long since I updated that I forgot. So now I'm going to have to go back and add a chapter where they move Evil Lair. On the bright side, it means at least one more chapter for the story and it makes sense In Universe since Megs wouldn't want Mets knowing te location of Evil Lair.**


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